Easter..

It's Easter holidays already!! :))

just having the break gives me such a good feeling.. <3

take care,

~daN~

No Reason..

There's absolutely no reason for you to hate me. And if when we're through this and you do, there really is nothing more to say.

Yesterday..

So yeh, I woke up crying again. It was way worse than the last time. And it came with a dream.

I dreamt we were in the olden days, Roman times. Even in my dream, I was in love you. But there was another guy. A Roman general that had his eye on you. But we weren't Roman, we were Jewish or something. He did everything in his power to get close to you. And he did. Slowly we drifted, and no matter how much I fought for you, he always managed to get his men to chuck me aside. Finally one day he won, I guess you chose him or something, but he was on the way to arrest me, and take you away. We said our goodbyes, even had a dinner gathering with our friends, it was sad. When his men came, I didn't wanna let you go. I was on my knees pleading with the soldiers, but they seemed to be enjoying it. Two men with spears came on horse-back, and suddenly one of them threw his. Time stopped as it flew. I thought it was coming for me, I thought it was the end. I looked up, and saw it wasn't. It was flying towards you. I opened my mouth but all that came out was fear, and a silent scream. It hit you right in the chest. Sound came back to me and I wailed, "NO". The longest no I ever said. The general rode in on his horse, shouting at his men. Well, apparently that wasn't part of the plan. He was furious, he and his men packed up and left me there in ropes, kneeling at your lifeless body. Hot tears started flowing, questions why and how this came to be. You were dead, and it was the worst thing I have ever felt. Everything happened so fast, and there was nothing I could do about it. It tore me apart.

The ceremony we had after was just as painful. We had traditions to follow, three rituals everyone had to do. After each one, I just sat in a corner and cried. By the end of the last one, I was just crying, and crying. Trying to grasp a chance that maybe you still were around. But I knew that could never happen. Realization hit me right on my chest. The pain was unbearable. It brought me to my knees once more in front of your body. Lifeless, but still so beautiful. I just sat there and cried. Everyone there understood. They knew how much you meant to me. I sat there for what seemed like eternity. A close friend came by my side and put his arm around me. And we cried together.

I woke up. Pillow wet with tears. Sun up and shining. Wondering why. Why the tears kept falling even though I knew it was a dream. Why I felt like someone punched a hole in my chest. I still do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yesterday I fell in love,

Today feels like my funeral.

I just got hit by a bus,

Shouldn't have been so beautiful.

Don't know why I gave my heart, gave my trust, gave everything.

You think that if I had the chance,

To do it over again.

I'd do something different,

Make better decisions,

Save me from my ignorance.

But I keep making the same mistakes before.

I see the danger but I go forward.

I'm sitting here trying to keep my composure,

Knowing inside I'm broken and tore up.

She got me gone, I'm on her like a drug.

I try to go but end up wanting more.

Stuck in my head vivd as a picture.

I wanna be clean but I can't get rid of her.

Give my all you take it from me,

And don't even replace it for me.

I wish you'd just fake it for me,

I wish I can make you love me more.

You can't tell I f-cks with you I needed you.

I though that you understood that based on how I treated you.

I don't pay attention to the rumors that you feed into.

Know you're missing something, I wish I was what completed you.

I don't comprehend how you can't love when it's so easy to.

I thought you could do it, I believed in the naive in you.

- Chris Brown & Diddy

take care,

~daN~

Hope..

i can just hope. it's all i can do now.

I hate how this get's to me. I mean come on, I'm Daniel fucking Tan.. this shit doesn't get to me. But somehow you do. and I hate that it does.

I'm sorry for 'acting up'.. but look at it from this side.. what am i supposed to think.. damn, we really need to sort this shit up.

Flying solo..

So now it's your turn,

To explore yourself,

To find who you really are.

So go, find your adventure.

And when you come back,

I just might still be waiting.

But if I'm not,

Do not regret.

It was all your choice from the start.

God knows I did my part.

Who knows what the future holds,

Maybe laughter?

Maybe even a happy ever after.

All I know, is I'm flying solo.

take care,

~daN~

The Only Hope For Me Is You..

Where, where will you stand

When all the lights go out

Across these city streets?

Where were you when

All of the embers fell?

I still remember them

Covered in ash

Covered in glass

Covered in all my friends

I still think of the bombs they built.

How would you be

Many years after the disasters

That we've seen?

What if we learned

Of all the people burning

In purifying flame?

I'll say it's okay

I know you can tell

And though you can see me smile

I still think of the guns they sell.

If there's a place that I could be

Then I'd be another memory

Can I be the only hope for you?

Because you're the only hope for me

And if we can't find where we belong

We'll have to make it on our own

Face all the pain and take it on

Because the only hope for me is you alone.

- My Chemical Romance

take care,

~daN~

Remember me.

No Comment..

Yeah, you obviously don't care.

If what we have means anything to you, better show it soon.

What We Are Made Of..

Mmmm.. so uni is same old, same old.. still as boring.. Assignments galore!! Haha.. got a few more to do.. but i must admit, it feels good finishing an assignment.. :)

i wanna go home for winter.. but i dont know if i can.. sighhh.. well, whatever happens happens eh?

Yay!! we'll probs be going to Philip Island for Easter!! it's gonna be awesome in epic proportions.. good times.. :))

Hmmm, i dont know how i feel about it all.. I'm partly relieved, but partly disappointed i guess.. maybe I expected more... or maybe I wished for more... sighh, I dont know anymore.. Maybe I care too much? or maybe being such good friends would mean having conversation.. but there hasn't been much (or any) of it lately.. Maybe I want more than what it is now.. Maybe I'm afraid that you'll change again..

In time I will show you I'm not leaving,

That I will wait right here for your love.

God knows, what we are made of.

God knows, what we're afraid of,

And if you cry, I will comfort you.

In time I will show you I'm still believing.

God knows, that if you call, I would come to you.

- Scott Mallone

take care,

~daN~

I will love you, for who you are, not what you used to be.